Can you forgive?

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the action or process of being forgiven or forgiving. Just type in google "forgiveness" and you get some interesting web definitions such as "giving up the right for revenge " or "quit counting a wrong against the wrong-doer."

It really comes down to the question of am I willing to stop blaming or being angry with someone?

Life is all about experiences and learning from them. Yes, we do go through some tough times but what is the point of keeping all this anger and resentment inside? The only person this emotion affects is the person holding the grudge. How can you let it all go? That might truly take a lifetime for some people.

I talk a lot about forgiveness with my patients because it is a necessary step in healing your body and your relationship with others. Many people might not realize that they actually have a deep grudge that can affect their spirit and eventually their health. Love and forgiveness is something so important in this lifetime and a necessary step in the healing process.

In chinese medicine, the heart is one of the organs affected with emotions. It is not only an organ but a vessel for the spirit to connect with the mind. There is even a time associated with the abundance of heart Qi (or energy) from 11am to 1pm (the best time to contemplate matters of the heart).

Why am i talking about the heart? Well when there's an imbalance in our spirit and our mind the heart is usually affected. People come in with heart palpitations, insomnia, anxiety, poor memory, panic attacks, ulcers and not being able to experience the joy in life. I noticed a correlation with these symptoms with people unable to forgive a past event.

What are some steps that you can take to let go?

I always tell my family, friend's, and patients that they have to give themselves a timeframe for grief, upset, anger, sadness whatever it is and then after that time to let it all go. For instance, when I'm angry I just say that I'll be angry for 1 hour and I can scream, punch a pillow, make a fuss and get it all out (of course don't hurt anyone) then after that hour I'm done. No more thinking about the upset, it is over.  Then I move on with my life with grace.

You can also take affective action by actually confronting the person who has caused your pain in a healthy way.  This can break the chain of hard feelings. Look at them and truly believe in your heart what you are about to say "No matter what you have done to me. I forgive you."

Call them up and talk to them about your upset. A lot of people don't even realize that they have hurt someone.  Or you can write a letter and if you are to afraid to send it just burn it up and say to yourself "I forgive (insert person's name) for what they have done."  Just sending out that message of forgiving someone into the universe already changes your health.

You should always set up boundaries and keep yourself healthy and safe. This doesn't mean that you have to be friends with that person or even get back into a relationship. It just means that you will no longer hold that bad thought in your body and you will move on with your life with no more upset. There are even so many stories of men and women forgiving their loved one's killers. Now that is forgiveness...

When you finally forgive, your heart will feel so much lighter and there will be peace of mind. We are all on a journey together in this world and have done things to make others upset or have gotten upset. We are born with emotions and thought process so that we can learn from life experiences.


It took a long time for me to forgive someone who hurt me deeply. But I finally came to terms with my experience and realized that millions of people face an event in their lives that has created a deep wound in their heart. Life is full of suffering and also full of joy. When you keep the pain inside, it not only transforms your thought processes but it can affect your health.

The act of forgiving can set your heart free from that wound. Wouldn't that be wonderful!?